Lots on my mind, just don't feel like writing about it. So pictures of Charlie.
Monday, February 10, 2014
The picture was taken for a reason -it was a Father's Day gift for their dad (Amanda's idea I believe). Maybe that's why they were so happy...they were excited to give it to him and worked very hard to make sure he received it in time, which thankfully he did.
Faces of happy children, excited for their dad to see them in their goofy get-ups. Faces that couldn't wait to Skype him and see his reaction. Faces that had no idea that within less than a month, on a hot sweaty 4th of July, we would have the picture back in our hands as we packed up their dad's belongings in a Denver sober home where he took his final breath of life.
Seeing the picture felt so odd, as if the happy emotions of it's existence still swirled around the smiling faces in a palpable energy. We had JUST sent it to him. The ink was barely dry. It wasn't right to be taking it back, it was Dad's, it was for Father's Day, WE JUST FUCKING GAVE IT TO HIM!!
I have the picture sitting on my nightstand. I love it so much that I nearly burst into tears whenever I look at it. Those smiles. That excitement. But with it comes pain and dark, ugly dread. It's as if I know something those smiles don't, and I want to run up to them and fold them into my heart and soften the blow that is lurking on the corner of innocence and bliss. It's almost as if life conspired to document a beautiful moment in time, just to turn right back around and yank the rug from beneath our feet. I alternate between thanking life for the captured beauty, and telling life to go fuck itself. An unnerving dichotomy if there ever was one.
So tonight when I reach to turn out my lamp and catch a glimpse of those beautiful smiles, I'll do my best to be more thankful for what life has given to us and to try harder to not ask it to go fuck itself. Easier said than done...
Monday, February 3, 2014
This little guy is named Charlie. We saw him at the lost and found section of a local shelter and Amanda nearly shit herself she loved him so much. After five days and no one to claim him, we got to adopt him and call him our own.
Personally I'm not a fan of poodles (or the ridiculous hairdos they are subject to), but this little 4.5 pound cutie is absolutely adorable. Assumed to be around four years old, he is incredibly mild-mannered, walks great on a leash, and is just SWEET. He is the perfect combination of our two dogs who we had to let go of, and he has brought a spark into our home that has been desperately needed.
Welcome to our family Charlie, we've been waiting a long time for you!
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Monday, January 20, 2014
These two pictures were taken last night before we left for the most amazing concert in the history of the WORLD. P!nk people...we saw P!nk in concert! Fucking amazing is what that was.
Anyway, as we were driving home from the concert we talked about all that has happened in the last couple of months - I withdrew from school, we moved to Denver, the kids started new schools, we officially lost our dogs (just don't ask...), we saw our favorite singer, and Denver made it to the Super Bowl.
We got here a couple days before the new year began and I made a conscious decision that 2014 would be an epic year. It has yet to disappoint! While the actual act of moving was less than fun (I like to think that I'd rather have three root canals without Novocaine while giving birth to a breech porcupine), now that we're settled in life couldn't be sweeter.
I left Cody behind and found that my severe depression stayed there as well. I haven't felt this good in years. YEARS. No joke - I am able to keep our beautiful home clean, I feel happy, I feel energetic, and I feel human. I knew living in Cody was difficult (loneliness, isolation, feeling like I didn't fit in just to name a few reasons...), but I didn't realize how bad it was until we left.
Not only am I happy, but the kids are thriving as well. They love their schools and love being back home where they feel they belong. Denver is good to us and moving was one of the best decisions we have ever made. I love the above pictures because of the happiness they represent, as well as the confidence and peace I see in myself that has been hiding for a very long time.